Crazy Life 480p

FESCH.TV INFORMIERT:

Dearest Children,

Much of the anger, bitterness and confusing actions were post-2007. You’re gonna hear me using this term (Post-2007) a few times because this was when our Marriage took a turn toward the end state.

This letter and my writing will be very self-centered, selfish, and mostly about me. But for me to convey the truth of how I feel, what I thought, and what I currently think—I must be true to myself.

SSRI – Prozac, Paxil, Celexa, Lexapro, Zoloft?

Nobody asked my permission, Opinion, advice, or feelings when ‚they‘ decided to put your mother on these powerful brain-altering medications. There was no consultation, meeting, or family discussion—when the psychiatrist administered these divorce drugs to your mother. There was no marriage counseling, non-drug therapy approach, or other healing modalities for our marital disagreements.

2006 is when we retired from active duty Marine Corps service! This was also when our PAY decreased and when money became the issue around the Family home. Jxxx is turning 18, Jxxx is 15 going on 16, and Jxxxx is about 14 years of age. No savings, no investments, and inadequate preparation before leaving Active Duty service. Bill collectors, bankruptcy, and a lot more going on.

So around this time (Summer 2007), the boys were sent to California to check on dad and see why he left (Wife)? We hung out with uncle Hxxxxx, and we worked for an old Ford van that we drove back from California to Missouri. Stopping off at Lake Havasu and bonding with my boys! It was about the same time that (Wife) struggled with making sense of my behavioral change, bitterness, and anger. I ran so I didn’t have to deal with my fear of not providing financially for the Family. You see, money is a big issue (for Me) because he grew up poor, country poor, and most everything he owned was stolen from the local neighbors. It’s still like this in Hawaii, pretty sad but true.

Being broke, having no money, and having infidelity-fear issues are the only things that will set me off.

2006 forward, the perfect storm was gathering, financial difficulty, gossip, infidelity assumptions, bitterness, no-sex, jealousy, and lack of communication. So when the word divorce was brought up in the home, this was the slow-burning wick that would burn for 14 long years. After several bouts of drinking, (Wife) suffered a mental breakdown after having a DUI and being arrested. Family counseling or any sort of (non-drug) therapy was never offered by the Hospital experts. I attribute this (inaction and 2nd Opinion seeking) to ‚ignorance and fear‘ that we both succumbed to. Ignorance is about the best word I can use to describe what happened, and I take full responsibility for all of it.

Post-2007. As I look back, I find it amazing that we held it together from 2006 to the present day. Professionally and morally respecting one another, doing what civil adults (roommates) do during this traumatic period. For the record, I will state that my poor decision (going to California) was the catalyst, or my leaving her (2007). This was the straw that broke the camel’s back. This departure was not mutually agreed upon. What happened to (Wife) (during this break-up) is the beginning of our marital end. She took my old truck and went to buy smokes. On her return home to the house, she was pulled over by the Local Police Department. The blood-alcohol level was above the limit, she was subsequently arrested and charged with a DUI. As a result of the break-up, we were not communicating; I learned this when I returned from California in a white van my brother gave to my sons and me. The boys flew over to California. I remember the air travel because they went through Phoenix before they arrived in Fallbrook, California, to be with me. Both sons were in high school at the time, Jxxxx remained behind. When I returned home, I discovered that (Wife) had a DUI and drank heavily during my departure.

The guilt, shame, remorse, and the feelings that flooded her pushed her into a mental breakdown. A traumatic depression, my sister and I took her to Fort Leonard Wood hospital, where she stayed for overnight observations. She told me that she was having the most horrible thoughts and felt like she was losing her mind. It scared me, and I don’t scare easily. She asked me to take her in; I have never seen your mother in this condition throughout our Marriage.

Following this event, she was placed on antidepressants, perhaps not the best ones they could offer; nonetheless, it falls into the SSRI category. These medications inhibit serotonin uptake, the natural feel-good drug that we all have in our brains. They (drugs) suppress any and all emotions. Serotonin is the essential hormone that stabilizes our mood, feelings of well-being, and happiness. This hormone impacts your entire body. It enables brain cells and other nervous system cells to communicate with each other. Serotonin also helps with sleeping, eating, and digestion.