Shared Crossing Project Story Library – MK – SDE with son Jonas

FESCH.TV INFORMIERT:

Jonas was a force of nature. He was extremely outgoing, extroverted. One of the most affectionate people I’ve ever met. … I kind of feel like out of all the people on the planet, I feel Jonas got me probably more than anybody. I mean, in a way he was a best friend. He wasn’t just my son, he was also a best friend.

Technically how he died was a blood clot in his lung that went to his heart. So pulmonary embolism, …. they were going to take him to surgery to remove clots from his lungs. So, the next day they took him to the surgery. And that’s when I had that experience, when I was waiting in the waiting room. And I remember I was so terrified, I could not communicate at all. I remember people trying to give me coffee or hold my hand or pray with me. And as I just stated, “ Just leave me alone“. And in my head, I was just trying to reach him, I guess. And I just kept saying, „Jonas, stay with me, Jonas, stay with me“. Over and over and over.

I mean, it went on, I don’t even know how long. It had to have been hours, but and then suddenly there was darkness and then pinpricks of light. And I saw this huge purple galaxy in front of me, but down. It’s almost like I was over at looking at it a little bit and then I’m staring at it. And I sensed that Jonas was near and I looked to my left. When I saw him maybe five, six feet to my left, a little bit in front of me. And I felt he was whole, he was intact. I felt he was making a decision that felt a really serious moment. And in my head, I just said, „If you can stay with me, please stay with me but if you can’t it’s okay“. And I just really felt I needed to tell him that. I mean, at that point, his body was completely wrecked, but I needed to tell him if he can’t come back it’s okay. And he didn’t respond. He didn’t look at me. He didn’t move, but I felt that he heard me and then I was looking at him and I guess, I don’t know, I looked over my left shoulder and I saw the earth and it was just pictures you see, taken from the space station or and I remember thinking, „Oh my God“, I forgot. That’s not real. It’s an illusion. And I was just so surprised by that, because this experience where I was there seemed realer than this real. I mean, this (here, now) is obviously much more physical but that felt realer. And when I was looking back at the earth, I just, it was almost a memory, „Oh“, I forgot. That is not the real deal down there. And then when I looked back at him and there was also between where he was standing and the earth, there was just this, I mean, it was dark. I didn’t see anything, but I felt it was, I don’t know, a portal, a station. It reminded me when I travel, I’m at an airport or a train station. There’s that feeling of going somewhere that the airport itself is not the destination, it’s a stopover. That’s the only way I know how to describe it. That also felt very familiar to me.

And it was when I was looking into that, trying to remember what I felt, there was more that I was wanting to remember. And then, that fast, I was just sitting in the waiting room again. … he never regained consciousness. … he didn’t move, he didn’t squeeze our hand, … then at one point a tear came out of his eye and rolled down his face … within the next day or two days they did a nuclear brain scan …I knew at that point there was no coming back from that. So, then I agreed to, well, had to, remove him from life support a couple of days later.

It was his death that kind of made me realize, or kind of begin to understand how intricate and complicated and vast and amazing and magical this universe is. And there are millions of realities. And that you can, just because you are not with someone physically in front of you, you can still connect with them light years away or in other realms.

I never thought about it that much because I didn’t have a reason to. Then when your child dies it kind of shatters everything. …If someone had told me your son will die, 5 years later, you will be happy again and you’ll be living your life. I would have, I probably would have punched him in the face and said, „you’re crazy.“ But the reality is I’m doing okay. I’m doing good. And I don’t feel separated from him.